I have been thinking…

I have been asking myself ( and others) “Why are some people so mean on Facebook groups? Not just Javea Connect, but on the majority of bigger groups?” In the early days of JC ( the group, not the son of God 😉 ), everyone seemed amicable, jovial and enjoyed the banter that JC was in its infancy.

They posted stupid, amusing and sometimes fairly risque stuff as well as the normal day-to-day questions, but then very few people got offended ( or if they were, they either left the group or scrolled on past). But now, almost 11 years on, WOW what a change, and not, in my humble opinion, one for the better.

So what’s missing in our lives, that makes some people thrive on gossip and like to show a bit of “one-upmanship”?

Why so obtuse and why so judgmental of others?

Well, really I suppose a lot of it is human nature and I defy most people to deny that the odd “OMG!” story gets us sitting up and taking in every little bit of juicy tittle-tattle. And that is fine and sometimes harmless BUT other times these stories only hold a glimmer of truth and yet some innocent remark, action or comment will get twisted beyond recognition and this can, and does, cause enormous harm, especially to those who may be in a bad place – and for some considerable time now, there has beena worldwide good reason for many to be at a low ebb.

We never really know what people are going through, apart from those who wish everyone to know how badly they believe they have been treated and are just out for attention!! As the old saying goes, “any publicity is good publicity”… personally, I don’t think that is strictly true, bad publicity IMHO….is BAD!!

Anyway, I digress a little….. I found a few articles on the subject, so I thought I would share a few snippets and maybe, just maybe, after reading this rather long article, you will understand that running a group, especially a large one like JC, is not a piece of cake. It takes time, a lot of thought and discussion and, in my case, quite a few G&Ts!

And yes, we all agree that admin will never be 100% right, we all make mistakes… again, it is a human trait, but it is our group, it is our “front room” entretaining an awful lot of people from all different walks of life, quite a few different cultures and some things will get lost in translation. Anyhoo, read on if you have a few minutes to spare 😀

“It used to be the case that people got their gossip over the garden fence or from a bit of curtain twitching. But now we have the internet and the nature of chat has changed forever.“

Community spirit?

We have all seen nasty comments online – whether they be a row on Twitter or a catty and uncalled for response on an innocent Facebook post.

What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t witness with your mouth.
Jewish Proverb

The internet acts like a kind of digital-fuelled alcohol, freeing us to say things to strangers that we would never dare to say if we met them. And then there is the big difference in PERCEPTION…

Trolling has become an established term for people who sow discord on the internet by starting arguments – and there are a lot of them around. “It’s high time that we all stop and reflect on what we’re saying and posting when we use our fingers to talk in public”

So what’s the etiquette for Facebook Groups?

Like a lot of things that happen online, it can feel like everyone else knows ‘the rules’ and you don’t. It’s the same with Groups.

Ever seen a post from a Group administrator saying they’ve deleted posts for being offensive/against the rules/rude? It’s because someone did something against their rules. Not always Facebook’s rules, ( although Facebook have really upped their game recently, maybe even a little too much now) also the Group’s rules.

Do’s and Don’ts for members of Facebook Groups

Do make sure you make yourself familiar with the rules of the group.
Don’t share anything that is not relevant to the group’s purpose.
Do be friendly and helpful. If you can help someone who has posted a question, do so. It’s a great way to build relationships. If you vannot answer a question, don’t comment!
Don’t bombard groups with your latest promotional offer. Often this has an adverse effect and people will block you!
Do think before you post.
Don’t be unkind. You may not agree with a person’s point of view, but you don’t need to start an argument or a slanging match online. You will never come off well.
Do respect admin’s requests. And remember, it’s their roup, so what they say, goes!
Don’t add all your friends to the group. No-one likes to be added to a group they know nothing about. Instead, send them a link to it so they can choose whether or not to join.
Do participate. You joined the Group for a reason, so take part. Add value to others. Join in on conversations.
Don’t use it to invite people to your Group or Facebook Page. That’s just rude and disrespectful. If you really think your Group/Page would benefit the members, get in touch privately with the Group Administrator and ask them if it’s OK to share.
Do respect people’s privacy. If you know someone in the group personally, don’t share anything about them, post images of them or their families in the Group. If they want to share, that’s fine, but don’t do it for them..
Do be respectful of differences. Cultural, religious, sexual orientation, political views – anything that is different to your norm. It’s their norm, and that’s OK too.
Don’t send friend requests to people in the Group, unless you actually know them in real life.

But nothing beats meeting people for real and chatting over a beer, glass of wine or even just cup of coffee! And yes, the way the world is right now, it is not so easy to do, but it isn’t impossible.

And finally, to the majority of members who play by the rules, keep the peace and generally make Javea Connect a decent place to “hang out” Thank you all for joining us and if anyone just needs information on local news and events, (sin gossip!) just follow our page or website.